ANZA Secret Men’s Business: One member reveals all!

Mike Sabey (2nd from left) and members visit Melrose Home – Children’s Aid Society

The name suggests clandestine operations and classified intel. But in reality, Secret Men’s Business (SMB) is ANZA’s brilliantly straightforward answer to a question many blokes struggle to ask: where do I find my people?

It’s sad but true: for many guys living overseas, finding casual camaraderie can be surprisingly difficult. Back home, man-mates are often built into the fabric of life: the footy club, the local pub, workmates. For blokes who might not naturally reach out or know where to turn, the isolation can be profound.

Show up & be yourself

Research paints a concerning picture of men’s social health. According to a 2024 report by Healthy Male (Andrology Australia), 43% of Australian men have experienced loneliness, with 16% reporting high levels, and men aged 35 – 49 were found to be the most affected group. The consequences aren’t trivial – prolonged periods of loneliness can be associated with serious physical health conditions like cardiac disease and immune deficiency, and mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and even suicide.

Sadly, societal expectations often discourage men from admitting they’re struggling or actively seeking friendship. This is where SMB excels. It’s not therapy or a formal support group with an agenda. It’s golf, tennis, cycling, a few beers afterwards, and monthly lunches where blokes can just show up and be themselves. “SMB is very low key,” explains Mike Sabey, who’s been involved with the group for eight years. “We just try to provide a place in Singapore for trailing spouses and those who work to connect, share information, and solve the world’s issues over a drink.”

SMB Christmas lunch, 2025

Mate network

The origins of ANZA’s SMB are clouded in mystery and highly contested. “It was believed to have been conceived between 2001-3 by Alex and Peter McMenamin,” Mike tells us. “By 2006 SMB was playing golf on Thursdays and meeting up for lunch once a month. Early watering holes were Brewerkz Riverside Point, and The Wagon Wheel on Greenwood Avenue.”

By the time Mike joined in 2017 – introduced through his wife’s work colleague Simon, who roped him into helping with props for ANZA’s Black Tie Ball – the group had evolved. “When I joined, golf was twice a week, and we were meeting for lunch at The Penny Black. The guys would catch up for drinks after golf at Tango’s Restaurant & Wine Bar in Holland Village, Mogambo Bar & Restaurant, and Hero’s. We also had cycling and tennis sessions, all of which involved a few beers afterwards.”

The beauty of SMB has always been its casual, drop-in ethos, but when Covid hit in 2020, meet-ups were obviously disrupted. “Covid knocked the group around, and many long-term residents left the country,” Mike recalls. But like any good mate network, SMB adapted. “These days it’s very much based on a shout-out to the group; this is where we are if you would like to catch up,” Mike explains. “The general rule is, jump in, never hesitate!”

SMB is also dedicated to giving back, collecting donations for Melrose Home – Children’s Aid Society at every lunch. “We took the time to visit the staff a few years back and the story we were told is heartbreaking in a first-world country like this,” Mike says. The funds provide residential care and specialised therapies to support children and youths who’ve experienced adverse life circumstances such as abuse or neglect.

Golf is a big SMB pastime

In the same boat

There’s no doubt the social side of SMB provides a lifeline for ANZA members. Today the group’s calendar includes monthly lunches, the highlight being the festive lunch in December, State of Origin and Grand Finals gatherings for NRL and AFL, golf trips to Batam and Johor, and tournaments including the biannual O’Brien’s (UK/Ireland vs Australia/New Zealand) in Batam, Indonesia, and the annual Masters tournament in Hua Hin, Thailand.

Mike’s own experience illustrates exactly why groups like SMB matter. As a trailing spouse of 11 years who spent three years in Tokyo before Singapore, Mike admits that connecting with like-minded blokes hasn’t always been easy. “It depends on who you are, but I found it a little hard. I hesitated joining the lunches for a while, even sitting at a different table to assess the group! That was a big mistake. I now miss not spending more time with the guys who have since left.”

For those reading this and debating whether to sign up, Mike’s advice is simple: “My suggestion is to dive in and introduce yourself. We welcome all ANZA members and there is so much intel the older members can share about every aspect of living on the island. We’re all in the same boat.” Indeed, the impact of the group runs deeper than golf handicaps and beer recommendations. “I consider the SMB guys to be my closest friends in Singapore,” Mike shares. “Even the members who have left our shores still keep in touch via the chat group.”

Secret Men’s Business proves that sometimes the most powerful support networks are the ones that don’t feel like support networks at all. Just blokes, beers, and the understanding that we’re all navigating life away from home together.

Sources: Healthy Male/Andrology Australia (2024) progressivepsychology.com.au